He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize