Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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