exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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