Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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