My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
