Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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