I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
