I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
