I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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