im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
