i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
