She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
