went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
nutella sex= disaster
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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