I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize