Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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