I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
