It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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