I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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