the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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