his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I want to fling myself into the sun
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
