Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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