i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
