Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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