I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
