I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize