I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
