I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
