there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
