My Higher Power is John Stamos
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
