i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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