just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
