he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
In America we eat man semen.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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