Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
