Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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