Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
