talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
