So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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