I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm like, not good at living.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
