i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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