I think I am morally bankrupt
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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