Swine flu is the new snow day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
