bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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