I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
