My nipple is on Facebook.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just tell him i said nine months
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
