is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
