Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
