Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
