If that was your dad, he is hot
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
