Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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