I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
soo... how was my night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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