Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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