i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
