i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
