so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
