i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
