just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
