Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
