whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
