So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
