people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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