I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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