By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
