YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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