i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
