Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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