Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
