Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
