If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This toilet bowl is my home.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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