hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
