They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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