Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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