So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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