a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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