dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
