Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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