The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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