quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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