Im at strip club and am horny
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
