def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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