I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
