If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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