Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
