so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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