Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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