Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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