I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Still dying that you shit outside
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
